


a rush of blood to the head.

by katarama



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Future Fic, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9669776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katarama/pseuds/katarama
Summary: Scott has been told his whole life that he’s too trusting, but Scott doesn't regret trusting Derek.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werewolvesandarrows (nerdy_farm_girl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdy_farm_girl/gifts).



> For the prompt: Scerek + [I love you the way a knife loves a heart the way a bomb loves a crowd the way your mother warned you about, essentially. (the way a human loves another human)](http://sleepy-skittles.tumblr.com/post/155287327552/50-a-softer-world-prompts)

Scott has been told his whole life that he’s too trusting.

His dad is FBI, and always liked to claim that only professionals like him really knew how to make a person honest.  His dad always liked to tell Scott not to trust anyone.  The irony in that is that his dad wasn’t worth trusting, anyway, and Scott can’t help but wonder if the two are related.  

His best friend since he was little is Stiles, Mr. I’m Going To Be Suspicious Of Anyone Who Gets Within A Ten Mile Radius Of Scott Or Lydia.  There are times when Stiles has been right to distrust people.  But Stiles’ record is certainly less than flawless; Deucalion came through for Scott, in the end, and the only reason Stiles didn’t like Isaac was because Isaac moved into Scott’s place.

Scott also remembers when Stiles didn’t trust Derek.  Scott remembers when he felt tugged between the two.  Stiles had Derek arrested because he thought he was trouble.  Stiles said the two of them could figure it out together, and that going to Derek for advice was a bad idea.  And to some extent, Scott remembers not being entirely sure that Stiles wasn’t wrong.  But Scott went to Derek for advice anyway, because Scott was new and floundering and didn’t want to kill anyone by accident, and he trusted that Derek would want to help.  Even then, Derek jumped Scott in a parking garage.  Derek stalked people in their high school locker room.  Derek wasn’t exactly friendly, and Scott didn’t exactly have any _reason_ to trust him, especially after he and Derek kept getting into fights about who was and wasn’t okay to kill.

They got off to a rocky start, admittedly.

But Scott knew, even then, that he needed Derek.  He may not have liked Derek.  He may not have been Derek’s biggest fan.  But he knew that Derek knew things that he didn’t, and Derek understood the tug of the moon and the sharpening of claws and the fear and recklessness that comes with loving an Argent in a way no one else did.  

Scott’s initial seeds of cautious trust in Derek have long since bloomed.  Scott doesn’t have to wonder if trusting Derek was a mistake.  Not even Stiles would say that it was, these days, though Stiles paints over his own historical distrust of Derek when pressed.  Scott wondered for a long time if his seeking out Derek was foolishness, or naivety, or blind trust.  Scott wondered for a long time whether it was giving someone the tools to hurt him, or even if it was a bad thing if he had.  Scott wondered for a long time why he made that call, if it was just fumbling for someone who understood or if it was a well-thought through decision, or something else entirely.

In hindsight, it probably should’ve been obvious what it was when Scott struggled to absolve himself of the guilt of seeing what he thought was Derek being killed.  In hindsight, it probably should’ve been obvious when Scott felt his heart thump in his chest when Derek smiled at him and told him he would be a good alpha.  In hindsight, it probably should’ve been obvious from the way Scott felt comfortable sitting in Derek’s loft and talking, starting out strategizing but getting derailed to talk about Derek’s dad and his garden, or Scott’s mom and how she makes excuses to pick Scott up after work on the nights she gets off her shift early, just so she can see if there are any animals left around.  In hindsight, it should have been obvious in the way Scott fretted when Derek’s eyes were only green, all traces of blue gone, because that time, Derek didn’t understand what was going on, either, and Scott didn’t want Derek to lose everything.  Scott didn’t want to lose Derek.

Instead, it takes Derek leaving for Scott to figure it out.  It takes Derek leaving for Scott to identify the rock in the pit of Scott’s stomach as he realizes that the guy he loves is gone, only tethered to Beacon Hills through the loft that’s still in his name and through texts that he and Scott send back and forth when Derek is in a place he isn’t worried about getting followed to.  Scott does hold in his chest that at least he’s the only one who’s receiving return texts from Derek; it’s a selfish little thing, he knows, but it doesn’t take away how much it fills him up.  

Scott knows now that he trusts Derek with his life.  Scott knows that concretely, knows that it’s true in practice.  But Scott more than trusts Derek with his life, Scott wants Derek to share in his life.  Scott wants Derek to be there for every close call that leaves them both breathing just a little too hard, clinging to each other because there was a second when it seemed like neither of them would make it out alive.  Scott wants Derek to be there for every mystery that they’re almost a second too late in solving, for every time they’re flying by the seat of their pants, scrambling to make sense of what’s going on before they’re too late to stop it.  Scott wants Derek to be there for the quiet moments, the hard moments where Scott’s heart aches and he needs relief, needs the solid weight of a body around him to keep him grounded.

Scott just.  Wants Derek.  In all of the ways.  And it’s going on years since he’s seen him, and Scott is in college now, and it should have gotten easier, missing Derek.  He’s always busy, with school and friends and keeping in touch with the pack.  But he’ll get a text from Derek, and there’s a visceral response of loving Derek and wanting Derek closer that he doesn’t think will ever go away.

He knows he’s important to Derek.  He knows he means something to Derek.  He knows that Derek puts in the effort for him.  He knows that Lydia _has_  seen Derek, that Braeden and Derek had a pit stop that took them all the way up to Boston.  He knows that Lydia said that Derek seemed hairier and tired but good, and that Derek was insistent about getting an answer about how Scott was doing.  He knows that Derek has promised to swing by UC Davis sooner rather than later, because they had a job that was taking them back to California.  He knows Derek said that Braeden was going to stay in Beacon Hills while Derek drove up to see him.

Scott has been too afraid to let himself get caught up in the promise of that, even though he’s positive Derek wouldn’t promise it unless he was sure.  These days, Derek doesn’t make any promises he can’t keep, when it comes to where he’ll be or when he’ll be there.  Derek has promised to take Scott out to dinner, at one of the fancy places in town where all the students splurge to go on their third dates, because Lydia ratted Scott out on living the cheap college student meals life.  Scott tries hard not to think about that too much, either.

Scott doesn’t have to wonder anymore about whether he is too trusting.  He thinks that, maybe, with Derek, he was.  Maybe he trusted Derek too much from the start.  Maybe he let Derek get too close and maybe he did give Derek the tools to hurt him.  Maybe it wasn’t the way Stiles thought it would be; even Stiles couldn’t have predicted that Scott trusting Derek would lead to Scott loving Derek.  Maybe it wasn’t on purpose, maybe it was just a product of Scott being Scott.  Of giving people the benefit of the doubt, especially once they prove themselves trustworthy.  Derek has proven himself trustworthy, time and time again.

Scott doesn’t regret trusting Derek, though.  Scott thinks that, at the end of the day, even if it hurts, he’s glad that he’s here.  He’s glad that he knows he can love this deeply, this much.  He’s glad he knows that his years of near death didn’t quash his ability to feel positive emotion.  He’s glad he knows that he didn’t become jaded, or someone who wasn’t him.

Whether it was naive or not, Scott is glad that he trusted Derek.  

And if asked, by someone who deserved to know, he’d say that he not only trusts Derek with his life, but also with his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> On tumblr [here](http://sleepy-skittles.tumblr.com).


End file.
